‘Tis the Season To Be Sneezing

Ah, Spring! The season when a part of the world awakens from its Winter torpor: birds are singing their delightful “I’m going to get me some” song; bees are hanging around flowers buzzing their “I’m going to get me some” song; women are walking around in skimpy clothing singing their…actually it’s more like they are making us men (and some of the women – not that there’s anything wrong with that, heavens no) sing.

That’s all wonderful. If only the flowers would leave me alone.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do love the riot of colours and shapes that accompany the Spring bloom. What I don’t like is  the way that those responsible for the display also believe my nose is a suitable receptacle for their various pollens. My body doesn’t welcome the invasion so the defence mechanisms go into overdrive. This means I am constantly sneezing, coughing and crying (in a hayfeverish but manly way, of course) to repel the invading plant life. The tissue manufacturers are rubbing their hands together in anticipation of a significant boost to their profits.

So, naturally, I went out and cut the grass. Well, it is Spring. And the grass was tall. Very tall! Tall enough to hide sna…

Let me digress a moment to tell you that the one thing on this Earth that scares me more than anything else is the snake. (Except for Pink. But that’s another story.) And this is Australia, home of the nastiest specimens of sibilant, slithering, organic tubes in the world. They like tall grass! It’s always a good idea to remove things they like even in densely populated suburbs. We’ve never had those nasty visitors in our yard and I really, really want to keep it that way.

Where was I? Oh yes, I went out and cut the grass. I did it with a line trimmer because the lawn mower took one look at the grass and said “you are joking, right?” The line trimmer merely cackled and waded into the stalks with glee. The grass obviously wasn’t too keen on the sudden reduction in height and rewarded the line trimmer’s efforts by getting up my nose thus starting another battle in the war. (Another digression here to advice the unwary that goggles and shoes are a good idea when a line trimmer is performing. Just saying!)

So begins the Great Hayfever War of 2009-2010.